It's amazing how my kids can bring me to tears. I call them happy tears. They are tears of joy that bolt through my heart faster than Cupid's arrow. There is no monetary value that can hold up to homemade cards, coupons for mom, M-O-M acrostic poems and the like.
Suddenly, all my fault finding in my parenting skills and feeling of inadequacy are washed clean by the tender words of affection and appreciation from the ones that hold the pulse of my heart in their bosoms.
This Mother's Day is one I choose to remember and live each day because if you let my kids tell it I am the M ost O utstanding M om!
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Monday, February 9, 2009
A Prodigal Child
It's like the anticipated impact of a car spinning out of control toward you on a rainy day. You can feel the burden of the impact in your chest as all the motions, though quick, seem to be moving in slow motion. Your heart pounds in against your chest. The full impact of car has not yet been felt, but you can see, and therefore you mentally and physically brace yourself for the excruiating pain that is forthcoming.
A mother's pain is like that spinning car. All the feelings and emotions are real as your stomach slowly starts to knot up into a thousand balls and your body wanes from the emotional turmoil. Your day vasilates between an operational reality and nonfunctional numbness as you ponder how could your child reject everything you have taught them.
You recount the days when you first felt a flutter in your stomach. That was a welcomed flutter; unlike the knots and numbness you now feel. You ask yourself over and over again, "How could this be happening". It's not death in the true sense of the word, but all the same it is a loss.
I'm referring to the loss of a relationship between a mother and her child. I do believe that as with death it is a mother's ultimate pain. It's a pain that afflicts many during the course of parenting. It's a pain that not many wish to talk about. It's a pain that only the Father above can take away.
Scriptural mediation during this time of growth are: Luke 15:24 (For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found), Proverbs 22:6 (Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it), Psalm 147:3 (He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds).
A mother's pain is like that spinning car. All the feelings and emotions are real as your stomach slowly starts to knot up into a thousand balls and your body wanes from the emotional turmoil. Your day vasilates between an operational reality and nonfunctional numbness as you ponder how could your child reject everything you have taught them.
You recount the days when you first felt a flutter in your stomach. That was a welcomed flutter; unlike the knots and numbness you now feel. You ask yourself over and over again, "How could this be happening". It's not death in the true sense of the word, but all the same it is a loss.
I'm referring to the loss of a relationship between a mother and her child. I do believe that as with death it is a mother's ultimate pain. It's a pain that afflicts many during the course of parenting. It's a pain that not many wish to talk about. It's a pain that only the Father above can take away.
Scriptural mediation during this time of growth are: Luke 15:24 (For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found), Proverbs 22:6 (Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it), Psalm 147:3 (He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds).
Friday, August 31, 2007
Toy guns and Swords
I'm really loving homeschooling my 4 and 13 yo sons. We started our history unit in the Medieval Period and naturally the boys took to the idea of using swords in their playtime together.
We established some ground rules and gave them noodles cut in half. They have a cross between medieval battles and some sort of Asian maritial art dual complete with courtesy bowing and round -house kicks.
Boys will truly be boys. I love to see my kids enjoying each other's company and having good natured fun. It was what my 13 yo asked me next that I wasn't sure I was ready for.
They now wanted to play with a cap gun that was given to my 13yo by a relative. I took a deep breath and realized their morning had already been full of experiments. They had frozen water balloons and melted them with various ideas that came to their mind. They had used their computer time to team up to beat the enemy. Now, they wanted to play with the cap gun outside.
My first reaction was, " No! we don't play with guns. They hurt people." Like swords don't hurt. Boy did I feel the big hypocrite veil coming down across my face.
I agreed to let them play after laying down the rules for their play. They understood and off they went... never out of my critiquing sight. They each very methodically following the rules shot a couple of rounds of caps and then it was over. Yes, that was it. The whole experience of their play took less time then it took for me to decide to let them play with the cap gun and give them the rules. Wow!
Being somewhat experienced in these parenting thing, I truly believe that if I had taken a different course in letting them explore this natural boyish activity their interest for the forbidden could have taken a whole different path.
Do I believe that I have allowed an evil and desensitized them to the dangers of guns? No way. As a parent, it is my duty to daily train then in all areas of life and this was one lesson on one day. It was also a day of fun for two brothers ages 13 and 4 who also learned how to play together using courtesies, respect and lots of TLC toward each other.
We established some ground rules and gave them noodles cut in half. They have a cross between medieval battles and some sort of Asian maritial art dual complete with courtesy bowing and round -house kicks.
Boys will truly be boys. I love to see my kids enjoying each other's company and having good natured fun. It was what my 13 yo asked me next that I wasn't sure I was ready for.
They now wanted to play with a cap gun that was given to my 13yo by a relative. I took a deep breath and realized their morning had already been full of experiments. They had frozen water balloons and melted them with various ideas that came to their mind. They had used their computer time to team up to beat the enemy. Now, they wanted to play with the cap gun outside.
My first reaction was, " No! we don't play with guns. They hurt people." Like swords don't hurt. Boy did I feel the big hypocrite veil coming down across my face.
I agreed to let them play after laying down the rules for their play. They understood and off they went... never out of my critiquing sight. They each very methodically following the rules shot a couple of rounds of caps and then it was over. Yes, that was it. The whole experience of their play took less time then it took for me to decide to let them play with the cap gun and give them the rules. Wow!
Being somewhat experienced in these parenting thing, I truly believe that if I had taken a different course in letting them explore this natural boyish activity their interest for the forbidden could have taken a whole different path.
Do I believe that I have allowed an evil and desensitized them to the dangers of guns? No way. As a parent, it is my duty to daily train then in all areas of life and this was one lesson on one day. It was also a day of fun for two brothers ages 13 and 4 who also learned how to play together using courtesies, respect and lots of TLC toward each other.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Grammy's Homemade Curriculum
Recycled Curriculum- Preschool
My mama has been a wealth of information. She is usually on the road driving her 18-wheeler across 48 contiguous states. But, this week she docked at our house for a week with her grandkids. We all love it when Mama stays over.
Oh course the children love Grammy's visits because they get to ignore all the rules with Grammy coming to their defense. The added perk to us is that my husband and I love the breaks she allows us.
During this visit she has already given me tips on baking bread, handling a teenager and as recent as last night, "Grammy's Homemade Curriculum".
She asked me if she could cut out pictures from an old Good Housekeeping magazine. I said, "sure", thinking she was bored. It is not unusual for her to whip out paper dolls and make them dance on the wall using a flashlight. The children love her spontaneity just as much as my brother and I did years ago.
I sat on the sofa with the ABEKA Little Readers going over book number four with my four year old. He was pleased that he could show off to Grammy as he read the consonant/vowel blends and later three letter words near the end of the book. He finished and joined Grammy on the floor to glue the pictures she had cut out of the magazine onto plain copy paper. They glued pictures on the paper that was divided into sections.
Then in the casual way she does most everything, she pulled out these labels that she made with a colored marker she had my son get her earlier and starting holding them up to him and asking him to find the picture that matched the label. I'm watching the whole thing. He does it!
But wait, this is not a package curriculum. This is not following the order of teaching or rules of letter recognition with a preschooler. Some of the labels are even four letter words. Her words, I still hear, "he's ready". Yes, he was ready.
My kids love the old fashioned way I try to do many things around our home. They have coined a phrase for everything I do, "Mama's Homemade". It was only fitting to call was my mom did as, "Grammy's Homemade Curriculum". Umm, so that's where I get it from.
My mama has been a wealth of information. She is usually on the road driving her 18-wheeler across 48 contiguous states. But, this week she docked at our house for a week with her grandkids. We all love it when Mama stays over.
Oh course the children love Grammy's visits because they get to ignore all the rules with Grammy coming to their defense. The added perk to us is that my husband and I love the breaks she allows us.
During this visit she has already given me tips on baking bread, handling a teenager and as recent as last night, "Grammy's Homemade Curriculum".
She asked me if she could cut out pictures from an old Good Housekeeping magazine. I said, "sure", thinking she was bored. It is not unusual for her to whip out paper dolls and make them dance on the wall using a flashlight. The children love her spontaneity just as much as my brother and I did years ago.
I sat on the sofa with the ABEKA Little Readers going over book number four with my four year old. He was pleased that he could show off to Grammy as he read the consonant/vowel blends and later three letter words near the end of the book. He finished and joined Grammy on the floor to glue the pictures she had cut out of the magazine onto plain copy paper. They glued pictures on the paper that was divided into sections.
Then in the casual way she does most everything, she pulled out these labels that she made with a colored marker she had my son get her earlier and starting holding them up to him and asking him to find the picture that matched the label. I'm watching the whole thing. He does it!
But wait, this is not a package curriculum. This is not following the order of teaching or rules of letter recognition with a preschooler. Some of the labels are even four letter words. Her words, I still hear, "he's ready". Yes, he was ready.
My kids love the old fashioned way I try to do many things around our home. They have coined a phrase for everything I do, "Mama's Homemade". It was only fitting to call was my mom did as, "Grammy's Homemade Curriculum". Umm, so that's where I get it from.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Homeschool Planning
Here it is 20 days before school starts and I'm not anywhere near to being finished pulling together our homeschool plan for this year. I have many notes, notebooks started and several different schedules that I tote around awaiting a lull in my day. But it's not not done yet!
My goal this week is to complete six weeks of lesson plans for history (detailed with all the copies). Pray for me guys.
My goal this week is to complete six weeks of lesson plans for history (detailed with all the copies). Pray for me guys.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
My daughter belongs to Jesus
My daughter was baptized at our church this Sunday. She spent the last 3 weeks in baptismal class with other children all desiring to make their walk with Jesus known publicly.
Our hearts are leaping for joy at our daughter's decision. She's only seven and she already knows that she loves the Lord and that He loves her.
We invited family and friends over for cake and ice cream to help us celebrate. Written on her cake was a testimony to her faith. "She belongs to Jesus".
Our hearts are leaping for joy at our daughter's decision. She's only seven and she already knows that she loves the Lord and that He loves her.
We invited family and friends over for cake and ice cream to help us celebrate. Written on her cake was a testimony to her faith. "She belongs to Jesus".
Sagging Pants - Help a parent out
This post warranted a review.
The last two days have been intense to say the least. What in a person's right mind would allow them to go against all codes of decency and self-respect to want to wear Saggy pants. Boundaries have long been set in our home, but with the Summer visitation of my teenage nephew , my son must have had a case of amnesia when he put his clothes on this morning. Not that he needed any motivation to be defiant, it just gave a little oxygen to what has been smothering underneath.
Now, let me not paint a sordid picture of my nephew, he is very respectful, sweet young man. He takes AP classes, makes good grades, is on the football team and makes friends easily. He just happens to have that teenage problem of wanting to fit in, and in today's culture that means that he "sags". Oh, he wears Tall T's to cover it up, but it's still sagging to me. I mean, why could he just not roll one pant leg up, wear different color socks or the starched Levi's, an Oxford shirt with Penny loafers, like we did- those were true fads.
I'm convinced that this sagging thing is not just a fad, but instead, it's a totally affront to modesty, parental boundaries and just plain common sense. It is so powerful that it has branded the Hip Hop sub-culture as the only "dope" dress fare for the really cool or "baaadd".
It's more than just a fad, when in just about any city you can be pulled over by the police, "profiled" for what use to based on ethnicity, but now includes clothing attire. I have done my research here. My husband and I spoke with a police officer, on their beat, with our son while we were doing some shopping. We wanted our son to know how ethnicity, one's company and dress all play together in the eyes of the law. The police shared with our son, better than we could have ever tried to, how they "spot" out possible problem situations. The precursor was almost always how they were dressed or the combination of colors they were wearing. The Tall T's (some language) that my nephew obliviously wears, and my son desires to wear are known for concealing weapons or "five finger discounted" goods. Yes, I do say , it's more than a fad.
Be it an ill thought out fashion statement, my opinion, or as claimed by manufacturers, a result "social economics", it is not what we, as parents, desire of the young in our home to wear.
So, where do we go from here? Ideally I would think mass letters, emails or phone calls would be a good start. My research has determined that they are too large to respond to letters, emails or phone calls. No, that would not work. But, if we as parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends stopped giving these things as gifts or stopped allowing those that we love to buy these things we would be off to a much better start, with a greater economic impact. I feel we are as much to blame in the degrading of our young men as the manufacturers. For too long we have resigned to throwing up our hands and talking to the backsides of our young men as they walk away from our sound judgement. It has to start with us; start with code of dress for our families. We have got to set the boundaries and not cower down and allow those boundaries to erased by the culture.
Some things that may be helpful to ask your children in rhetorical questions or as interactive questions may start like this:
1. Where can you wear sagging pants after graduation?
2. Have you ever thought that someone could come and pull your pants to your ankles?
3. How do you like the stereotype that your sagging brings?; What are the stereotypes?
4. Is sagging okay if you have a tall T to cover the sagging?
5. Who do you think would be hired at a bank, Pepsi cola, Frito Lay, Walmart, Lowes, you, sagging or another boy your age, wearing fitted clothes?
6. How do feel wearing a fashion that originated as prison clothes with a definite gay connotation?
7. Did you know that you cannot enter a court room with saggy pants?
8. What gives you your self esteem? clothes, cell phone?
9. What does modesty mean to you?
10.How are you being identified?
11.When there has been a crime the perpetrator is identified by what he wore, had or physical characteristics. Do you understand what profiling is?
12. Did you know that in some cities, groups of people are profiled by the car they drive, what they have on or the activities they participate?
13. Have you ever stop to think what defines you? Is it your character , your dress, or what you own?
14.What does God want to define us?
15. In the statements, association brings about assimilation, or you are define by your peer group, both equal in meaning; What do they mean to you?
The last two days have been intense to say the least. What in a person's right mind would allow them to go against all codes of decency and self-respect to want to wear Saggy pants. Boundaries have long been set in our home, but with the Summer visitation of my teenage nephew , my son must have had a case of amnesia when he put his clothes on this morning. Not that he needed any motivation to be defiant, it just gave a little oxygen to what has been smothering underneath.
Now, let me not paint a sordid picture of my nephew, he is very respectful, sweet young man. He takes AP classes, makes good grades, is on the football team and makes friends easily. He just happens to have that teenage problem of wanting to fit in, and in today's culture that means that he "sags". Oh, he wears Tall T's to cover it up, but it's still sagging to me. I mean, why could he just not roll one pant leg up, wear different color socks or the starched Levi's, an Oxford shirt with Penny loafers, like we did- those were true fads.
I'm convinced that this sagging thing is not just a fad, but instead, it's a totally affront to modesty, parental boundaries and just plain common sense. It is so powerful that it has branded the Hip Hop sub-culture as the only "dope" dress fare for the really cool or "baaadd".
It's more than just a fad, when in just about any city you can be pulled over by the police, "profiled" for what use to based on ethnicity, but now includes clothing attire. I have done my research here. My husband and I spoke with a police officer, on their beat, with our son while we were doing some shopping. We wanted our son to know how ethnicity, one's company and dress all play together in the eyes of the law. The police shared with our son, better than we could have ever tried to, how they "spot" out possible problem situations. The precursor was almost always how they were dressed or the combination of colors they were wearing. The Tall T's (some language) that my nephew obliviously wears, and my son desires to wear are known for concealing weapons or "five finger discounted" goods. Yes, I do say , it's more than a fad.
Be it an ill thought out fashion statement, my opinion, or as claimed by manufacturers, a result "social economics", it is not what we, as parents, desire of the young in our home to wear.
So, where do we go from here? Ideally I would think mass letters, emails or phone calls would be a good start. My research has determined that they are too large to respond to letters, emails or phone calls. No, that would not work. But, if we as parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends stopped giving these things as gifts or stopped allowing those that we love to buy these things we would be off to a much better start, with a greater economic impact. I feel we are as much to blame in the degrading of our young men as the manufacturers. For too long we have resigned to throwing up our hands and talking to the backsides of our young men as they walk away from our sound judgement. It has to start with us; start with code of dress for our families. We have got to set the boundaries and not cower down and allow those boundaries to erased by the culture.
Some things that may be helpful to ask your children in rhetorical questions or as interactive questions may start like this:
1. Where can you wear sagging pants after graduation?
2. Have you ever thought that someone could come and pull your pants to your ankles?
3. How do you like the stereotype that your sagging brings?; What are the stereotypes?
4. Is sagging okay if you have a tall T to cover the sagging?
5. Who do you think would be hired at a bank, Pepsi cola, Frito Lay, Walmart, Lowes, you, sagging or another boy your age, wearing fitted clothes?
6. How do feel wearing a fashion that originated as prison clothes with a definite gay connotation?
7. Did you know that you cannot enter a court room with saggy pants?
8. What gives you your self esteem? clothes, cell phone?
9. What does modesty mean to you?
10.How are you being identified?
11.When there has been a crime the perpetrator is identified by what he wore, had or physical characteristics. Do you understand what profiling is?
12. Did you know that in some cities, groups of people are profiled by the car they drive, what they have on or the activities they participate?
13. Have you ever stop to think what defines you? Is it your character , your dress, or what you own?
14.What does God want to define us?
15. In the statements, association brings about assimilation, or you are define by your peer group, both equal in meaning; What do they mean to you?
Friday, July 27, 2007
Family Vacation Day 4 & 5
Day Four, Grand Prairie, Texas- The Wax Museum and Ripley's Believe It or Not &
Plano, Texas- Planet Pizza (Indoor pizza and amusement park)
We all got a little later start this morning. It was okay since we only had to travel to Grand Prairie. Our first stop was the wax museum. On the trip there I decided to do brain teaser. I read several famous quotes and we played a game to see who knew the answer. I also asked them about several inventions and who was the inventor. Each one of my kids as well as my husband really surprised me with their knowledge. It was great for boosting my confidence in continuing to read and expose them to things that sometimes seem above their heads. The kids are really listening and absorbing. I was pleased.
After the Grand Prairie trip we trekked across Dallas all the way to Plano, Texas for a visit to Planet Pizza. The children had visions from the Toy Story movie when Woody and Buzz went to Pizza Planet. They were very impressed when they saw all the indoor rides and video machines. We stayed there for more than three hours.
We called it a day with some Ben and Jerry's and headed back home.
Day Five, Dallas, Texas- Bahama Beach
Here was again, another perfect day for being outside ALLLLL Day loonnggg. After a relaxing lunch at Joe's Crab Shack we applied the sun block and headed to a nearby waterpark. All I can say is FUN, FUN, FUN. I have never played in so much water- all day long. Lots of slides and lazy floating in their lagoon.
We had so much fun that we left the park to come home and walk the dog only to return to park for a movie on the lawn. It was a pleasant experience for the whole family right here in our own "neck of the woods".
Summing it all up, this was a wonderful family vacation shared with the one's I love most. Friday came all too soon.
Plano, Texas- Planet Pizza (Indoor pizza and amusement park)
We all got a little later start this morning. It was okay since we only had to travel to Grand Prairie. Our first stop was the wax museum. On the trip there I decided to do brain teaser. I read several famous quotes and we played a game to see who knew the answer. I also asked them about several inventions and who was the inventor. Each one of my kids as well as my husband really surprised me with their knowledge. It was great for boosting my confidence in continuing to read and expose them to things that sometimes seem above their heads. The kids are really listening and absorbing. I was pleased.
After the Grand Prairie trip we trekked across Dallas all the way to Plano, Texas for a visit to Planet Pizza. The children had visions from the Toy Story movie when Woody and Buzz went to Pizza Planet. They were very impressed when they saw all the indoor rides and video machines. We stayed there for more than three hours.
We called it a day with some Ben and Jerry's and headed back home.
Day Five, Dallas, Texas- Bahama Beach
Here was again, another perfect day for being outside ALLLLL Day loonnggg. After a relaxing lunch at Joe's Crab Shack we applied the sun block and headed to a nearby waterpark. All I can say is FUN, FUN, FUN. I have never played in so much water- all day long. Lots of slides and lazy floating in their lagoon.
We had so much fun that we left the park to come home and walk the dog only to return to park for a movie on the lawn. It was a pleasant experience for the whole family right here in our own "neck of the woods".
Summing it all up, this was a wonderful family vacation shared with the one's I love most. Friday came all too soon.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Memories, our belief system (Right or Wrong?)
Part 2
Our memories, a wicked self -preservation.
We spoke of a self - preservation that leaves one feeling rejected, vulnerable and discounted. This type of self' - preservation becomes unforgiving in relationships when one person's belief system, based on their memories and their right and wrong, are forced upon another. During this type of disharmony each one is waging memory against memory all in the name of right or wrong -- their own self-preservation.
Equally painful and discounting are the sneers, jeers and accusations of self seeking participants in this war of memories as they too use their own belief system for their own validation. It's the perfect crescendo, their chiming in to the existing disharmony, that will add fuel to each one's cause.
Memories - our belief system, is it right or wrong? A few self- examining questions could restore harmony.
1. Can my memory be confirmed in a tangible way by another or evidence?
2. Am I isolating my memory to empirical evidence alone, or am I using interpretation to form a memory?
If restorative actions are required after finding Biblical answers to the questions it is appropriate to seek or give forgiveness and restitution to a person's "personhood".
Enjoyed "self-preservation" can only by obtained in truth. "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32
Our memories, a wicked self -preservation.
We spoke of a self - preservation that leaves one feeling rejected, vulnerable and discounted. This type of self' - preservation becomes unforgiving in relationships when one person's belief system, based on their memories and their right and wrong, are forced upon another. During this type of disharmony each one is waging memory against memory all in the name of right or wrong -- their own self-preservation.
Equally painful and discounting are the sneers, jeers and accusations of self seeking participants in this war of memories as they too use their own belief system for their own validation. It's the perfect crescendo, their chiming in to the existing disharmony, that will add fuel to each one's cause.
Memories - our belief system, is it right or wrong? A few self- examining questions could restore harmony.
1. Can my memory be confirmed in a tangible way by another or evidence?
2. Am I isolating my memory to empirical evidence alone, or am I using interpretation to form a memory?
If restorative actions are required after finding Biblical answers to the questions it is appropriate to seek or give forgiveness and restitution to a person's "personhood".
Enjoyed "self-preservation" can only by obtained in truth. "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32
Monday, June 25, 2007
A Mother's Ultimate Pain
It's like the anticipated impact of a car spinning out of control toward you on a rainy day. You can feel the burden of the impact in your chest as all the motions, though quick, seem to be moving in slow motion. Your heart pounds in against your chest. The full impact of car has not yet been felt, but you can see, and therefore you mentally and physically brace yourself for the excruiating pain that is forthcoming.
A mother's pain is like that spinning car. All the feelings and emotions are real as your stomach slowly starts to knot up into a thousand balls and your body wanes from the emotional turmoil. Your day vasilates between an operational reality and nonfunctional numbness as you ponder how could your child reject everything you have taught them.
You recount the days when you first felt a flutter in your stomach. That was a welcomed flutter; unlike the knots and numbness you now feel. You ask yourself over and over again, "How could this be happening". It's not death in the true sense of the word, but all the same it is a loss.
I'm referring to the loss of a relationship between a mother and her child. I do believe that as with death it is a mother's ultimate pain. It's a pain that afflicts many during the course of parenting. It's a pain that not many wish to talk about. It's a pain that only the Father above can take away.
Scriptural mediation during this time of growth are: Luke 15:24 (For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found), Proverbs 22:6 (Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it), Psalm 147:3 (He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds).
A mother's pain is like that spinning car. All the feelings and emotions are real as your stomach slowly starts to knot up into a thousand balls and your body wanes from the emotional turmoil. Your day vasilates between an operational reality and nonfunctional numbness as you ponder how could your child reject everything you have taught them.
You recount the days when you first felt a flutter in your stomach. That was a welcomed flutter; unlike the knots and numbness you now feel. You ask yourself over and over again, "How could this be happening". It's not death in the true sense of the word, but all the same it is a loss.
I'm referring to the loss of a relationship between a mother and her child. I do believe that as with death it is a mother's ultimate pain. It's a pain that afflicts many during the course of parenting. It's a pain that not many wish to talk about. It's a pain that only the Father above can take away.
Scriptural mediation during this time of growth are: Luke 15:24 (For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found), Proverbs 22:6 (Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it), Psalm 147:3 (He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds).
Sunday, June 24, 2007
A Parent's Toolbox
As as parent of a teenager, 2nd grader and preschooler, I've discovered
that affirmation is a powerful tool in the parent's toolbox. In
retrospect I've also realized that I missed many opportunities to use
my affirmation tool in the early years of my teenager.
A child receives affirmation in complete subtlety; our simple nod of approval suggest acceptance and belonging. Conversely, our lack of affirmation, that simple nod for an effort put forth, never shows up subtly, but instead, usually as a defiance.
As of late, I've learned to look at every bug caught, stroke of color on a
scratch sheet of paper and give undivided attention to the little one
calling me. Using that tool of affirmation is my investment into their
self confidence. It builds their self esteem.
And with any project requiring tools for assembly and adjustments, using my tool of affirmation is never too late when the assembly has been completed, but due to time and wear and tear, my project now requires adjustments. So, as a repairman that comes with tools in hand, my goal is for a completed project, lacking in nothing. I'm encouraged to refocus, refine and restore the loss of self confidence created from missed opportunities of not utilizing my tools properly or timely.
How to affirm? Some ideas or areas to use your tools:
1. Make time to attend activities in which your child participates.
2. Acknowledge your child's effort, even if the job was not done to your liking.
3. Set time aside each day to spend with each child - even if it's only 5 minutes.
4. Enjoy something with your child that they like doing.
5. Listen to their endless talk and ask non-judging questions or interject often.
that affirmation is a powerful tool in the parent's toolbox. In
retrospect I've also realized that I missed many opportunities to use
my affirmation tool in the early years of my teenager.
A child receives affirmation in complete subtlety; our simple nod of approval suggest acceptance and belonging. Conversely, our lack of affirmation, that simple nod for an effort put forth, never shows up subtly, but instead, usually as a defiance.
As of late, I've learned to look at every bug caught, stroke of color on a
scratch sheet of paper and give undivided attention to the little one
calling me. Using that tool of affirmation is my investment into their
self confidence. It builds their self esteem.
And with any project requiring tools for assembly and adjustments, using my tool of affirmation is never too late when the assembly has been completed, but due to time and wear and tear, my project now requires adjustments. So, as a repairman that comes with tools in hand, my goal is for a completed project, lacking in nothing. I'm encouraged to refocus, refine and restore the loss of self confidence created from missed opportunities of not utilizing my tools properly or timely.
How to affirm? Some ideas or areas to use your tools:
1. Make time to attend activities in which your child participates.
2. Acknowledge your child's effort, even if the job was not done to your liking.
3. Set time aside each day to spend with each child - even if it's only 5 minutes.
4. Enjoy something with your child that they like doing.
5. Listen to their endless talk and ask non-judging questions or interject often.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Tomatoes Please
I purchased 4 cherry tomato plants about eight weeks ago and today I
noticed 4 cherry tomatoes on one of them. Weeks of watering, directing
it's growth pattern and waiting finally showed the fruit of my labor. I
felt as thrilled as a kid just learning to ride a bicycle without
training wheels or a parent holding the seat.
Seeing the tiny tomatoes made me want to be more diligent in my watering,
directing and waiting. It was only a couple of days ago that I looked
from my kitchen window and saw what looked like at least 50 tiny yellow
flower buds offering hope of what was to come. Come, albeit very slow.
So slow that I said to myself, "Why bother". Why bother because the
process seemed so slow.
But, today is a different story. I have all forgotten my earlier disappointment of not seeing the actual tomato and am now feeling like Farmer Brown. In the next few days I'll do more watering, redirecting, organic fertilizing and debugging along with waiting. Hopeful waiting - because I've seen the fruit.
In parenting, though, the fruit does not always show up so soon. I mean, I wished
that I could see my children bearing fruit after only eight weeks of feeding, both physically and spiritually and directing their growth. Truth is, sometimes we don't see their fruit for years to come. But as with the yellow flowers on the tomato plant, holding promises yet to come, I do have God's promise of Proverbs 22:6 that says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it". NASB
So, I'll keep watering, redirecting and waiting for both the tomatoes and my children to show fruit because in both, I have been given hope.
noticed 4 cherry tomatoes on one of them. Weeks of watering, directing
it's growth pattern and waiting finally showed the fruit of my labor. I
felt as thrilled as a kid just learning to ride a bicycle without
training wheels or a parent holding the seat.
Seeing the tiny tomatoes made me want to be more diligent in my watering,
directing and waiting. It was only a couple of days ago that I looked
from my kitchen window and saw what looked like at least 50 tiny yellow
flower buds offering hope of what was to come. Come, albeit very slow.
So slow that I said to myself, "Why bother". Why bother because the
process seemed so slow.
But, today is a different story. I have all forgotten my earlier disappointment of not seeing the actual tomato and am now feeling like Farmer Brown. In the next few days I'll do more watering, redirecting, organic fertilizing and debugging along with waiting. Hopeful waiting - because I've seen the fruit.
In parenting, though, the fruit does not always show up so soon. I mean, I wished
that I could see my children bearing fruit after only eight weeks of feeding, both physically and spiritually and directing their growth. Truth is, sometimes we don't see their fruit for years to come. But as with the yellow flowers on the tomato plant, holding promises yet to come, I do have God's promise of Proverbs 22:6 that says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it". NASB
So, I'll keep watering, redirecting and waiting for both the tomatoes and my children to show fruit because in both, I have been given hope.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Sagging Pants and Hip Hop
The last two days have been intense to say the least. What in a person's right mind would allow them to go against all codes of decency and self-respect to want to wear Saggy pants. Boundaries have long been set in our home, but with the Summer visitation of my teenage nephew , my son must have had a case of amnesia when he put his clothes on this morning. Not that he needed any motivation to be defiant, it just gave a little oxygen to what has been smothering underneath.
Now, let me not paint a sordid picture of my nephew, he is very respectful, sweet young man. He takes AP classes, makes good grades, is on the football team and makes friends easily. He just happens to have that teenage problem of wanting to fit in, and in today's culture that means that he "sags". Oh, he wears Tall T's to cover it up, but it's still sagging to me. I mean, why could he just not roll one pant leg up, wear different color socks or the starched Levi's, an Oxford shirt with Penny loafers, like we did- those were true fads.
I'm convinced that this sagging thing is not just a fad, but instead, it's a totally affront to modesty, parental boundaries and just plain common sense. It is so powerful that it has branded the Hip Hop sub-culture as the only "dope" dress fare for the really cool or "baaadd".
It's more than just a fad, when in just about any city you can be pulled over by the police, "profiled" for what use to based on ethnicity, but now includes clothing attire. I have done my research here. My husband and I spoke with a police officer, on their beat, with our son while we were doing some shopping. We wanted our son to know how ethnicity, one's company and dress all play together in the eyes of the law. The police shared with our son, better than we could have ever tried to, how they "spot" out possible problem situations. The precursor was almost always how they were dressed or the combination of colors they were wearing. The Tall T's (some language) that my nephew obliviously wears, and my son desires to wear are known for concealing weapons or "five finger discounted" goods. Yes, I do say , it's more than a fad.
Be it an ill thought out fashion statement, my opinion, or as claimed by manufacturers, a result "social economics", it is not what we, as parents, desire of the young in our home to wear.
So, where do we go from here? Ideally I would think mass letters, emails or phone calls would be a good start. My research has determined that they are too large to respond to letters, emails or phone calls. No, that would not work. But, if we as parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends stopped giving these things as gifts or stopped allowing those that we love to buy these things we would be off to a much better start, with a greater economic impact. I feel we are as much to blame in the degrading of our young men as the manufacturers. For too long we have resigned to throwing up our hands and talking to the backsides of our young men as they walk away from our sound judgement. It has to start with us; start with code of dress for our families. We have got to set the boundaries and not cower down and allow those boundaries to erased by the culture.
Some things that may be helpful to ask your children in rhetorical questions or as interactive questions may start like this:
1. Where can you wear sagging pants after graduation?
2. Have you ever thought that someone could come and pull your pants to your ankles?
3. How do you like the stereotype that your sagging brings?; What are the stereotypes?
4. Is sagging okay if you have a tall T to cover the sagging?
5. Who do you think would be hired at a bank, Pepsi cola, Frito Lay, Walmart, Lowes, you, sagging or another boy your age, wearing fitted clothes?
6. How do feel wearing a fashion that originated as prison clothes with a definite gay connotation?
7. Did you know that you cannot enter a court room with saggy pants?
8. What gives you your self esteem? clothes, cell phone?
9. What does modesty mean to you?
10.How are you being identified?
11.When there has been a crime the perpetrator is identified by what he wore, had or physical characteristics. Do you understand what profiling is?
12. Did you know that in some cities, groups of people are profiled by the car they drive, what they have on or the activities they participate?
13. Have you ever stop to think what defines you? Is it your character , your dress, or what you own?
14.What does God want to define us?
15. In the statements, association brings about assimilation, or you are define by your peer group, both equal in meaning; What do they mean to you?
Now, let me not paint a sordid picture of my nephew, he is very respectful, sweet young man. He takes AP classes, makes good grades, is on the football team and makes friends easily. He just happens to have that teenage problem of wanting to fit in, and in today's culture that means that he "sags". Oh, he wears Tall T's to cover it up, but it's still sagging to me. I mean, why could he just not roll one pant leg up, wear different color socks or the starched Levi's, an Oxford shirt with Penny loafers, like we did- those were true fads.
I'm convinced that this sagging thing is not just a fad, but instead, it's a totally affront to modesty, parental boundaries and just plain common sense. It is so powerful that it has branded the Hip Hop sub-culture as the only "dope" dress fare for the really cool or "baaadd".
It's more than just a fad, when in just about any city you can be pulled over by the police, "profiled" for what use to based on ethnicity, but now includes clothing attire. I have done my research here. My husband and I spoke with a police officer, on their beat, with our son while we were doing some shopping. We wanted our son to know how ethnicity, one's company and dress all play together in the eyes of the law. The police shared with our son, better than we could have ever tried to, how they "spot" out possible problem situations. The precursor was almost always how they were dressed or the combination of colors they were wearing. The Tall T's (some language) that my nephew obliviously wears, and my son desires to wear are known for concealing weapons or "five finger discounted" goods. Yes, I do say , it's more than a fad.
Be it an ill thought out fashion statement, my opinion, or as claimed by manufacturers, a result "social economics", it is not what we, as parents, desire of the young in our home to wear.
So, where do we go from here? Ideally I would think mass letters, emails or phone calls would be a good start. My research has determined that they are too large to respond to letters, emails or phone calls. No, that would not work. But, if we as parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends stopped giving these things as gifts or stopped allowing those that we love to buy these things we would be off to a much better start, with a greater economic impact. I feel we are as much to blame in the degrading of our young men as the manufacturers. For too long we have resigned to throwing up our hands and talking to the backsides of our young men as they walk away from our sound judgement. It has to start with us; start with code of dress for our families. We have got to set the boundaries and not cower down and allow those boundaries to erased by the culture.
Some things that may be helpful to ask your children in rhetorical questions or as interactive questions may start like this:
1. Where can you wear sagging pants after graduation?
2. Have you ever thought that someone could come and pull your pants to your ankles?
3. How do you like the stereotype that your sagging brings?; What are the stereotypes?
4. Is sagging okay if you have a tall T to cover the sagging?
5. Who do you think would be hired at a bank, Pepsi cola, Frito Lay, Walmart, Lowes, you, sagging or another boy your age, wearing fitted clothes?
6. How do feel wearing a fashion that originated as prison clothes with a definite gay connotation?
7. Did you know that you cannot enter a court room with saggy pants?
8. What gives you your self esteem? clothes, cell phone?
9. What does modesty mean to you?
10.How are you being identified?
11.When there has been a crime the perpetrator is identified by what he wore, had or physical characteristics. Do you understand what profiling is?
12. Did you know that in some cities, groups of people are profiled by the car they drive, what they have on or the activities they participate?
13. Have you ever stop to think what defines you? Is it your character , your dress, or what you own?
14.What does God want to define us?
15. In the statements, association brings about assimilation, or you are define by your peer group, both equal in meaning; What do they mean to you?
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Everybody Knows Little Johnny
Little Johnny raced by bumping into me softly, but bumping just the same. He was apologetic. I thought he meant it. Little Johnny passed by me again, still hurriedly, still bumping into me. He again was quite apologetic. I dismissed the clumsiness. I dismissed his apparent lack of learning from his previous experience. After all, he said he was sorry.
... Little Johnny is now much bigger and much older. Wow! Big Johnny just raced by bumping into me softly, but bumping just the same. He was apologetic. I thought he meant it. Big Johnny passed by me again, still hurriedly again bumping into me. He again was quite apologetic.
Little Johnny is much like the Somebody we all know. We all know Somebody. Somebody will always test our patience because of their lack of learning.
Dear
Lord, I prayed for Big Johnny, Somebody and me. I prayed for
all the times your grace and mercy covered Big Johnny, Somebody and me
when we fail to learn from previous experiences. When our remembrances fail to recall your patience and faithfulness toward us despite our shortcomings.
Big Johnny, Somebody and me could really use that prayer.
... Little Johnny is now much bigger and much older. Wow! Big Johnny just raced by bumping into me softly, but bumping just the same. He was apologetic. I thought he meant it. Big Johnny passed by me again, still hurriedly again bumping into me. He again was quite apologetic.
Little Johnny is much like the Somebody we all know. We all know Somebody. Somebody will always test our patience because of their lack of learning.
Dear
Lord, I prayed for Big Johnny, Somebody and me. I prayed for
all the times your grace and mercy covered Big Johnny, Somebody and me
when we fail to learn from previous experiences. When our remembrances fail to recall your patience and faithfulness toward us despite our shortcomings.
Big Johnny, Somebody and me could really use that prayer.
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