Help! My child is being labeled as a "bad kid"

Been there, living it out... My two cents: AS FOR SCHOOL.... Yes, never make exceptions to their existing rules. Your voice to your child is to follow the rules, least you'll have a child thinking rules are meant to be ignored or he is not responsible for his actions. But, DO sit in and observe to make note of things your child IS doing correctly in class to give him as positive feedback. That is usually missed by the teachers since at that point they usually don't see the positives.

Get the school's handbook and know the rules, go to TEA website and know your rights under Texas Education Codes. When you say behavior issue, look on TEA's site to see what Texas considers as a behavior issue. You will be surprised and will realize usually you child's teacher is poorly trained in classroom management and is playing the behavior issue card to cover up her lack of creativity or to save her professional pride.

Breakdown your child's classroom rules to make sure if your child broke one it really was a rule and not her interpretation or ad lib to the situation. In younger kids they get that it's either right or wrong.. they know that. It's when we as experienced adults interpret an inner thought process for someone and determine they broke a rule is when it become problematic. Call the teacher out on that and suggest she uses those times as teachable moments. And, that you would love to know those moments so you can have more role play at home so your child can better work out his thought process (i.e... working on his conscience). If the teachers would handle what they perceive as behavior issues, but are really not, as teachable moments as I just discuss it would not tear our kids down and strip their self esteem. I would STRONGLY encourage you to go with your mother's intuition if you feel like a teacher or teachers or staff are sending signals or creating an ambiance that your child is bad child. DO NOT TOLERATE it at all. Discuss with the teacher areas that are combed over with a Behavior Issue comb and try to get them to see the teachable moment.

Call them out on subtle, negative actions regarding your child that are displayed to other staff members and children. It will spread like a wildfire if you don't. Then other teachers will see you child from a clouded lens and single them out first for any incident involving behavior issues ( walking to a specials class, in the lunchroom, on the playground). Even your child's peers will get the message and they will blame him for the same behavior they too have on playground but because of what they SEE modeled from teachers and they will tell on him. The REAL bottom line on that issue with any child is that- THAT teacher is not properly skilled to deal with EDUCATION and DISCIPLINE with your child or any child for that matter. Your child is a WHOLE package and NEVER allow a teacher to discuss a behavior issue with you without addressing the WHOLE the child. A meeting not dealing with the whole child is ALWAYS staked up to label your child and is only self serving and redeeming for the teacher. Please be in tuned to the situation, if your child's teacher cannot say anything positive or redeeming about your child WITHOUT a condensing overture TAKE NOTE!!! When dealing with a disconnected teacher only administrative intervention will help change or monitor. As my mother always told me, "Everybody has to answer to somebody." Another point to discuss with your child's teacher: How are they engaging your child. I'm not talking about they all get a worksheet or assignment and need to ask for help if they need it. A teacher like this is NOT engaging in her students. So when your child is NOT doing their assignment in that teacher's estimation they are a behavior issue. Watchout for that type of coverup by teachers. A teacher that is engaged in her students will be able to tell you WHY was your student not doing his work. Ask the questions! Be your child's advocate!

Be your child's advocate can't be stressed enough. Having worked as a paraprofessional in the classroom in an Educational environment I have seen teachers purposely ignore a child they did not want to deal with, once after subbing in a 1st Grade classroom, I then gave my account of the day to the child's teacher of him needing extra help with learning how to count money the teacher told me, "Oh, I know, He just can't get it", I have seen teachers belittle a child for behavior in front of classmates and parade them around with them all day all the while telling everyone, "This is my special child". Even the kids, who were within hearing distance understood the negative double meaning. A teacher will NEVER tell you they treat your child or other children this way. Listen to your child and be his advocate! General speaking, you probably already know the teachers that genuinely care and are engaged.

WITH THE CHILD: Then, on the areas you do see that need improvement. During a one on one playtime, family outing or play (usually times to display patience, cooperation and empathy) remind EVERYONE that you are looking for (patience, cooperation, and empathy). It is good for you to you point out when you and your husband are modeling patience, cooperation and empathy as well. In our experience those 3 things are the things that manifest in teenage life as bitters,,, no DAGGERS! in a child who's self esteem has been chipped away from being labeled as a "bad kid" or behavior problem kid!

Patience, Cooperation and EMPATHY!

A Prodigal Child

It's like the anticipated impact of a car spinning out of control toward you on a rainy day. You can feel the burden of the impact in your chest as all the motions, though quick, seem to be moving in slow motion. Your heart pounds in against your chest. The full impact of car has not yet been felt, but you can see, and therefore you mentally and physically brace yourself for the excruiating pain that is forthcoming.

A mother's pain is like that spinning car. All the feelings and emotions are real as your stomach slowly starts to knot up into a thousand balls and your body wanes from the emotional turmoil. Your day vasilates between an operational reality and nonfunctional numbness as you ponder how could your child reject everything you have taught them.

You recount the days when you first felt a flutter in your stomach. That was a welcomed flutter; unlike the knots and numbness you now feel. You ask yourself over and over again, "How could this be happening". It's not death in the true sense of the word, but all the same it is a loss.

I'm referring to the loss of a relationship between a mother and her child. I do believe that as with death it is a mother's ultimate pain. It's a pain that afflicts many during the course of parenting. It's a pain that not many wish to talk about. It's a pain that only the Father above can take away.

Scriptural mediation during this time of growth are: Luke 15:24 (For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found), Proverbs 22:6 (Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it), Psalm 147:3 (He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds).

Speak To The Hand! My Faith Banner. My Jehovah Nissi

My Faith Banner. My Jehovah Nissi.

In  the monthly devotional Journey, I was recently challenged by   Beth Moore, a notable Christian author and speaker who talked of her practice of raising her hand as her shield of faith that represents her 5 statement pledge of faith.  This made me think  of another shield that has become quite common lately  and quite possibly cultural to throw an opened hand up as if stopping traffic but often to stop an attack, attitude or other dissatisfaction coming from another person.  

We all have seen the young girls with hands on their hips, jaws clenching up and down from Hubba Bubba, head cocked to one side, eyebrows arched and eyes down low.  Yes, if you're old enough to remember Mel's Diner, you know the look when Mel was told, "Mel, kiss my grits."  Or, maybe you're younger and you remember Martin and Gina on the Martin show holding up the well understood, "Speak to the Hand" offering.

At any rate, it was to ward off the unwanted with non verbal communication.  That "speak to the  hand" embodied all the commentary and attitude needed to place a shield between you and the offender.   A  shield of protection if you will.  A silent, yet effective tool of defense.

Adopting the efficacy of this tool, Beth Moore assigns each digit on the hand a scripture for defense.  The reader's challenge, my challenge was to personalize my new tool with meaningful and principle driven scriptures that would resonant in my soul and affirm my faith. 

In my searching I found a name of God that had the resonance I was searching for,  Jehovah Nissi, my banner- Exodus 17:15.  Exodus 17:15  says that Moses built an alter after their defeat of Amalek and named it, " The Lord is my banner."  Now this  affirmation came centuries before me.  Actually, Moses had been using the hand well before it became cliche.  Scripture says that when Moses' hands grew weary they were held up by Aaron, his brother-in-law,  and Hur until the going down of the  sun until  Amalek was defeated.  Wherever Moses' hands were up Isreal prevailed and whenever Moses' hands were lowered Amalek prevailed-   Exodus 17:11-13. What a wonderful use for the hand.  God's Word spoke loud and clear with the use of Moses's hands.

As stated earlier, Beth Moore's 2002 model was a challenge to me as I searched for my banner with meaningful and principle driven scriptures to create my own 5 statement pledge of faith using the following model.

  

The 1st statement: "God is who He says He is"

The 2nd statement: "God can do what He says He can do"

The 3rd statement: "I am who God says that I am"

The 4th statement: "I can do all things through Christ"

The 5th statement: "God's Word is alive and active in me"

The Bible references that I chose to reflect on when I have to hold up the "Speak to the Hand" tool are ones that I try to practice daily.  While I don't always get it right. I know that it is a process. A process in my belief, my faith and total trust in God.  A process that my husband, my church family, my BSF fellowship and friends will come to me and hold my hands up when I too become weary.  

Cyndy's 5 Statement Pledge with Living Words

The 1st statement: "God is who He says He is"  (You shall have no other gods before me) 

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Deuteronomy 6:4

"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" And he said to him,  "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. Matthew 22:36-38

The 2nd statement: "God can do what He says He can do"

so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.  Isaiah 55:11

The 3rd statement: "I am who God says that I am"

But you are a chosen race, a royal, priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.  I Peter 2:9

The 4th statement: "I can do all things through Christ"

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.  Philippians 4:13

The 5th statement: "God's Word is alive and active in me"

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart   Hebrews 4:12

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

What will your 5 statement pledge be?

What language are you fluent in?

I Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

Recently I have had some communication issues with someone very close to me. It just seemed that at every opportunity for harmony there was a battle. It's quite funny because the battle never seemed to directed at me personally, but it was tension nonetheless.

Well, yesterday there was true harmony and heartfelt communication. I immediately scanned the environment and happenings all around us hoping to duplicate it for the future. It seemed too simple, too trivial. It was all about showing love.

This morning my daily devotion was on I Corinthians 13. We all know this one. It's the love chapter. It's one I had studied in depth with my husband and Pastor Skepple during our premarital counseling. For some reason, I'm not sure of the origin of my thoughts, I'd only made the connection of this chapter in my relation with my husband. But, the connection with those outside my marriage didn't always experience this unconditional love that I was commanded to express. How did I miss the importance of this unconditional love with others.

I thank my Lord and Savior for providing a universal language that we should all be fluent in, and with all people. I also thank Him for making the connection with events of yesterday with my daily reading today. God is so timely.

My unfavorable situation with my love one changed yesterday with a simle hug. Yes, it was simple and seemingly trivial at the time. However, it was just what I was commanded to do and the relationship is all the better for it.

Hugs are universal. This language is understood and accepted by all.